nothin

hey well it has been a little while since i wrote.. couple days... hmm not too much exciting stuff has happened... kailey got "stuff" on her pants at skool on friday. poor thing. ummm... played dodgeball today (sunday). ummm cleaned the car and waxed it yesterday... watched "mr. romance" corny peice of crap! well i am tired and bored!!! o m gosh i am bored! i wish mallory would come online so i could talk to someone!!!!!!!!! ok well i'm gonna try to sleep now. bye

nothin

hey well it has been a little while since i wrote.. couple days... hmm not too much exciting stuff has happened... kailey got "stuff" on her pants at skool on friday. poor thing. ummm... played dodgeball today (sunday). ummm cleaned the car and waxed it yesterday... watched "mr. romance" corny peice of crap! well i am tired and bored!!! o m gosh i am bored! i wish mallory would come online so i could talk to someone!!!!!!!!! ok well i'm gonna try to sleep now. bye

none

hey well today was ok... i forgot to mention lauren was a total jerk yesterday in science! grrr... plus today jeremy mocked me and it really pissed me off... ha. makes me laugh cause it sounds like drama... i hate drama. well 2day was good anyway. instead of playing in jazz band we ate doughnuts and watched the incredables! yes and plus i made it to second base in softball! yes! well all is perdy good... i still wonder how emily is... i hate drama... emily has drama and i hate that about her... but i still love her and care about her. well i need to sleep. bye

nothing too exciting

well nothing too exciting talked to morgan for an hour yesterday. my knee hurt a lot today. i have a really bad cough and i get a headache everytime i cough. poo well g2g bye!

judo

hey there well i'm in a perdy cool mood... talking to morgan right now and it is really hard 2 type. well i waz in denver 4 the weekend. i went up against this really tall chick and it was awesome.. i beat two other girls and lost mi final match against the tall chick and got 2nd. well it was cool. hmmm nothing too exciting has happened xcept that i got to skip skool friday and that rocked and we didnt have skool 2day so yea! i still have to write my history paper... well g2g bye!

food

howdy there... well nothing exciting happened like last time i wrote in here... xcept that psi came today... that was cool... and everyone thinks i'm anorexic cause i wouldnt eat today.... ya i just dont want to gain any weight 4 judo tomarrow! well they can think what they want... but mr.wartnow waz there and i think he saw... i think he also saw my wrist a while ago.... uh oh. ya but my mom and dad made me eat something so whatever. i think this is just an attention phase... oh plus today we were watching a slide show on smoking... I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GONNA DIE AND PEOPLE WHO SMOKE ARE STUPID AND THINK "IT WONT HAPPEN TO ME" ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! i started bawling. i hate people who do that... when mr wartnow did it i cried to myslef and today i cried 2 myself... i fucking know my mom is gonna die but i dont need to think about it right now if fucking have enough stressors! ahhhh... well it feels good to let that out... hmmm well g2g sleep cause i'm anorexic! grrr i am in such a pissy mood! grr.

perdy funnay

ok i have a sweet word.. funnay you pernounce it (fun naaa yyyy) sweet well kendall keeps talking about morgan all he time! hahhahh today i found a tampon(unused) on the floor so karina, McKenzi and i kicked it around the hall. then we took it outta the aplicator and tied it to joe maxwell's locker.... ahahah funnay. then at lunch nate sat by me and that subject came up and he laughed and was like oh i didnt knwo they tied... then he was shy and finally asked what the difference between pads and tampons were! haha he makes me laugh sooo much! i love nate... now this is really personal but i am aftaid to say that.... like love. it makes me very sad like lump in the throat because i do like him very much and i do love him but i am not as sure he LOves me back... oh my gosh this is really deep! if only i could know how he feels... prolly not the same. oh i dont want to break my own heart. and i even question my self if i could fall in love with nate! i think if i would let myself i prolly would! ohhh and i dont want to break my own heart! i'm only 14!ohhh boyz! they make u crazy!well i hope sheri will give me valuable info b/c i am chatting with her this minute! well g2g aac

Michelle

oh boy... michelle.... what more is there to say? well i told her to shut up (friday) and today she was trying to get back at me for it. she was mocking my laugh and making me feel inferior. hmmm it is hard seing mallory frustrated again and again! jeez! what am i to do? hmmm... today i almost leaned on nates shoulder! but i didnt... he asked if we were gonna do anything! ahhhh i like being around him sooo much! ohhh man i would love to kiss those cute, funnay lips in a Real kiss... not like the little (but still a kiss) kiss i got at valentines day. oh man! ashley howell has hte measles! well better get going! luv amelia!

good weekend

hey well i did talk to morgan about her and kendall kissing... hahah it was kinda funny... i also did talk to jessica westberg about my miracle. i got pranked about this stuff... oh man emily pranked me! oh and i found out emily is a cutter... too bad. well i am really tired and i need to sleep. bye!

Mrs. Goodman

Hey there... well just a little summary of today... i lost my parents cell phone, watched Constantine, and got in trouble for putting (Ice hot?) that stuff that you put on achy muscles on toilet seets at school! A buttload of ppl told on mallory carling and so i saw her crying in the hall and i decided i didnt care what the punishment was so i turned myslef in to. but i guess it didnt matter cause all i had to do was cleen up the seats... i guess i had to do it cause mallory is my friend. oh ya and i was pissed michelle didnt turn herslef in! Jerk Mrs goodman and i talked after school. i didnt tell her about my wrist, which by the way i scratched a line on with the metal from a ponytail... back to the subject... and i didnt tell her cause i watched her write an e-mail to mrs hill about a kid's arm and i knew and so did he. hmm.... well i love her soooooo much... if this journal is found after i die or anything, i jsut want to say that i love you mrs goodman. oh plus i found out she has depression and she takes medication, so i feel like she understands. she told me stuff like it is chemical stuff in my brain and stuff.... ya i am very happy i have found her. oh ya she also said stuff like her and one of her friends were both going throught the same thing and they would call it the "funk" haha makes me giggle well she said she has to "snap outta the funk" by totally helping other people. hmmm i'm not sure that would make sense for me.... that's why i am in the funk. i spend too much time on other ppl! Well i think i need to tell my miracle... i all started one day at school... i was being a real jerk and meaner than usual... so i started feeling sad cause i was being a jerk. well that finally opened the door to my sad emoutions... i was thinking about suicide alot and death.... i felt soo totally alone... more than words can express... i wanted to be gone! i wanted to die... it just wasnt there... i felt the world was slipping away. i had to do something, but htere was no one. (ahhh i'm giving myself a nose bleed!) and so i blamed it on god... and i said to him: why would you do this to me? what did i do?... after morgan left, i just let myself cry to sleep.... for a couple nights in a row. it was the first time i have ever done that. i said to god: god there are people here that are my gaurdian angels... i know they are here and i know you ahve shown them, but help me see them god, help me see clearly. show them to me...... the very next day, Mallory Carling sent me an e-mail about how she under stood the mask thing (i'm happy outside [mask] but sad inside) and i said 1. then i got mrs goodman's letter in the mail 2. then i got a book from mr horst 3. then sheri and i talked and i told her about my wrist4 there are many more i bet, but those clicked. and i cried and cried because i had found my god. he had been there, i had never looked! and now i feel wholesome again... like there is someone. god has my back and i feel... renewed and stuff. mrs goodman said to remember this feeling so if i ever need it again it will be there. man... i cannot express all that happened today... lotsa stuff. oh i forgot to say that i guess kendall and morgan had a little spit sharing time! after they droped me off i guess kendall made the moves and boom! haha makes me laugh!