not very fun

hello well today kinda wasn't that great. hmm... deanna had to come over in the morning so my morning was not normal... i went to journal meeting and there was no meeting. then we had to take nwea then everyone fricken cheated in pushups in health class...... grrrrrrr i hate that sooooo much. it makes me very angry to think about it!!!! well (deep breathing) so then mr jones was a total jerk in history... even to mallory and emily carol. so then i was just ignoring everything around me and i spilled the spoon to one of the lunch serving things then i was out the door getting ketchup and i silled All my fries!!! then i got all sticky cause lindsey and i got in a drink fight after lauren was being a total jerk to lindsey. so i have pop in my hair and crap on my shirt and i go to see mrs goodman... which was a plus (oh and Upward bound still hasnt interviewed me which was supposed to happen in st) and i had to sort pictures and she was like are you ok? nad i was like ya i'm fine.... she said liar.. so i had to expain to her... which is a good thing... yes i know it is but i still am scared aobut my sad side... then mrs. ponich was being perverted again... mr roberts was being a jerk to steph and i cause we were talking... well i guess i did make honers tea... mallory and leeann and kailey and....lemmie think... soon me all had their auntie visits! i hate that when you can tell your friend has it but you feel awkward and crap... ahh then at taekwondo i made this girl cry... yes brianna got all upset because i moved her b/c some other boys were being farts adn her mom was all "remember this is the one you have to explain everthing too" in this voice that was like i purposely made her daughter cry... ahhh nate... no. no more is being said about him. morgan...... i havent talked to her in years... i call and blah... i'll call u back... i'll call you back.................... I"M WAITING! damn i hated to day.... it's days like this that i dont want to live. i want to go away i just..... but i try to stay outta the "funk" but ahhhhhhhhhhh...... man i hope things arent this difficult in 9th grade and crap because i dont want to live if this type of shit goes on all the time. man... jeez... the only thing partly is that i know god is there nad i dont want ot go to hell so i know that is part of the reason i am here still and stuff..... man i keep telling myself over and over that god and jesus are there... yes i know it helps like right now but... their part of the deal is done but my half is still struggling... i'm not alone... man i am ok now that i think about happy things.... i do want to live.... i found this thing the other day... it was a rough draft letter my grandma was sending to a quilting thing of when i made my purple and blue quilt... it said (lemmie type it word for word) "I believe the future of our country is in the great hands with kids like her." oh grandma i love you soo much and i am soo happy you thought of me that way... eveytime i read that it makes me cry... oh grandma i love you.... well i have to go.. tata