Yes

Well god has replied back to me. Last night i asked him to give me clear signs of who is here for me. Today i got a book from Mr. Horst, my parents got mail from Mrs. Goodman telling how special and intellectual i am and Mallory totally understands me. Thanks god. Back in February at the dance i got a kiss from Nate. I have to remember that i like him for who he is and not what we do. I enjoy being around him and he makes me laugh and happy. Well today kendall was being cocky cause some girl was at class. I was pissed. Oh and a while ago morgan and i got into a really big fight.... LONG time ago... but it ended up ok. Ya i talked 2 mallory about my "MASK" and she totally understood and it made me really happy, cause i know god is in mallory. Some of my gaurdian angel is in mallory. I hope so. Well i truely hope the The Schneidners and i stay in touch, and also mrs goodman next year. These ppl are important to me. i dont have things so bad. what was i thinking suicide for? man. oh but today mr wartnow made me cry in class... nobody noticed, but he was talking about smokers and it really made me sad and ashamed and mad. I love my mom... no one can tell me she is stupid or not aware of the consiquences of smoking... fuck them, i love my mom. ya well hm.... not much else, ha. ya i know god is there for me now... before i wasnt as sure... now i am. man i am really happy! i hope it stays this way!

Lent

Omgosh lent has been forever! lots has happened! k i gave up computer and pop for the records. ok well i got so depresed that i cut myself. i feel like i have no friends except that mallory e-mailed me after i told her one day i cut myself. morgan came... had an awesome and a horrible time last saturday night(mar19). we made dryice bombs and we rolled a tire off the rims... but kendall and i fought... i love him and i hate him--- just like a big brother ;)sometimes i think i need anti-depressants. poo i hate that. well i hope i get to im wiht morgan today--- prolly not but whatever.

boyfriends

god i hate nate sometimes... but i guess that is a relationship. he never shows up for anything... ahhhhh. i dont know what i am going to do. i cannot let him do this to me anymore. it really hurts when he doesnt show up at a date and doesnt even call. guys are jerks. i'm sure he has some excuse. anyway i got to see BOOGEYMAN it was awesome!1!! ya but i am emotionally tired and blah. well i hope i dont know. i dont know what to think. i just hate the world. haha. ya typical of a teenager. i wish i knew what to do. well i better go to bed. i need sleep. hope things work out. amelia

not a very good day

well today kinda sucked. i was all sad and moody, but yet i was a little happy sometimes.... i dont know about nate. he never seems to show affection for me. and i was going to be like "so how come we never hug or kiss" but i just got advice from ppl that maybe he doesnt know you want to. so i guess i'll wait til the valentines dance.... i like him soo much. i hope i can go to a movie this weekend. that'd be cool. well i have to go. i am very sleepy.

sick

well today kinda sucked... i stayed home from school cause i was sick and blah. so i might do ouija board tomarrow with sheri and emily and possibly callan. i am soo tired i must go to bed. i want to talk to morgan, but i am not sure i want to be angry... amelia

none

well just like any other day... jazz band early... blah blah blah... morgan. grrrr i dont know i am sick of her being like 3 months late for stuff and being like oh i'm sorry i dont have the money and you are the best and all this crap. grrr... well i hope she stops that. emily. still wondering how i can help her. i hope sheri and callan and emily are at judo. ahh.. i have nothing to say. blah

emily

well today was pretty cool. i woke up a little early, nothing a later bus can't fix. umm then i talked to mrs. hill for about 25 minutes about emily. wow it has really helped. i want to help her with her life and problems and i needed help on helping if that makes any sense. hmm... i did end up calling callan, and i'm pretty sure she is coming to judo tomarrow. anyways, i appreciate mrs. hill. she has been so nice and i was sooo comfortable around her. so that is good. and i met a new person. her name is gio and she lives in california. i think in cali... is that a city... haha i am not for sure even. well she seemed interested in my taekwondo and seemed pretty cool... reminded me a little of morgan... ya. that's mostly all... hmm havent talked to morgan since yesterday briefly. screw her... god i wish i hadnt said htat.... hmmmm... i dont know... such a procrastinator... my CHRISTMAS preasent hasent even come. what ever. well, oh ya... kendall cut his hair. goof ball. alls well that ends well! peace